Boo Hoo, He Was Too Good To Be True

Originally posted on skirt!

A few months ago I was at an audition, when lo & behold - there he was.

The man of my dreams. Most definitely. Perfection, for an older guy, in human form. He looked pretty darned tootin' good. As in, he could be a model, which I would later find out he happens to be.

We chatted, but not for too long since we were there for the business at hand: the audition.

My memory retained every moment of my time with Mr. Perfect and even replayed the interaction over and over again in my mind and enjoyed watching the movie. I decided if it was meant to be, that I would see him again. And just for fun, Universe, wouldn't it be jolly if we were to meet in the same place we met the first time?

You can imagine the thrill when he who will hopefully not remain nameless appeared. My prayers had been answered. Literally. When he walked into the foyer, ready to embark on what would turn out to be a shady sales scam, I was ecstatic.

I wasn't going to let this precious and most perfect opportunity slip away and I confidently seized the moment. After some initial small talk I asked if he remembered me. He said, "Oh, yes, you were the one who was annoyed with that guy." He was referring to the idiot Director from the project we'd previously auditioned for who didn't know what he was doing and who had zero time management skills and kept me and several other actors there for hours. We then took our seats and our conversation had to come to a halt.

After the sales pitch was over, he and I both ran out of there while everyone else went back in to prove why they were right for the job. I told Mr. Dreamy that I hope he didn't think I was a bitch the first time he met me and he laughed and said "No, I thought you were right." We were now on a roll and it felt like we were starring in a Katharine Hepburn/Cary Grant romance.

Then I took a chance. I told him that I don't know a lot of other actors in town (this is true) and asked if it would be okay if I gave him my card.

That evening he sent me a friendly email saying it was nice meeting me again and how he couldn't believe what suckers the other people were at the sales pitch. I was hoping he'd want to get together.

You know, for a cup of coffee at the very least.

He didn't ask. So I did what any other well meaning 21st century woman would do: I cyberstalked him.

And guess what...???

I came across his wedding registry. To a man. Larry. There was a reason it was called Rainbow Wedding Registry. He and Larry are getting married in Maui.

Good for them. But wait, why is it that gay men are my crack cocaine? Not just any gay men, but gay men who are straight-seeming, good looking and well dressed. If they smell good, it not only doesn't hurt, but only adds fuel to the fire. Why can't I be attracted to slovenly straight men? I'm sure I'd get a lot more dates.

That is not a rhetorical question.